Sexual desire often fades in relationships

Matty Silver
Published: February 17, 2015 – 12:00AM


One of my clients is a 35-year-old man who has been in a relationship with his current girlfriend for about two years now. This is the longest time he has been with a partner – all his other relationships have lasted between only a few months and a year. His initial sexual attraction towards his girlfriends is usually very strong but after a while just disappears.

This time he was convinced he’d found the “right” one. He was very happy because he felt it was time to settle down and was looking forward to starting a family. However, even though he adores his partner, he has again started to lose his sexual feelings for her. He isn’t motivated to have sex with her any more; sex has slowed down to once a fortnight, instead three or four times a week. He doesn’t see himself as sexual or passionate, and he’s worried because his pattern of losing sexual interest means he finds it difficult to sustain physical and emotional connections. Not surprisingly, his partner has started to notice and complain about it.

He also feels he is cheating on her. He has started fantasising about other women and he is now convinced he is unable to love his partner.

My client is not alone. Many men and women experience feelings like this that make them extremely confused. The problem is, they are under the impression that love and lust are the same thing.

In 1979, American psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the word limerence; this is defined as a period in a relationship known as the falling in love and lust stage. It’s driven by the neurotransmitter phenyl ethylamine (PEA) which, combined with dopamine and norepinephrine, creates pleasingly positive feelings between people.

These so-called love chemicals can prompt euphoria, increased energy and sexual desire. They are responsible for intense passion and the rose-coloured glasses we see our partners through. Limerence feels good, but unfortunately it has a shelf life lasting from about six months to two or three years. Its decline is gradual.

When I explained limerence to my client, he agreed this is exactly how he feels in relationships. But this time he doesn’t want to break up, he loves and is committed to his partner and wonders what he could do to help the situation. Meanwhile, she just doesn’t understand what is happening.

Another client fell madly in love and became engaged within a year. She was excited and spent months planning their fairy-tale wedding. The date was set, the venue chosen and their families and overseas friends had booked airline tickets to attend. But three months before the wedding she got cold feet and realised that she and her future husband had little in common and she wasn’t in love with him any more.

She didn’t know what to do. How could she possibly tell him or explain her feelings to family and friends?

Another client realised that the woman he thought was “the love of his life” wasn’t the one after all, but by then they were expecting a baby!

I hear it all the time: “I love my partner but I am not in love any more … what can I do?”

Most people believe the excitement of those early months and years will last forever, but unfortunately this doesn’t happen that often. We live in a society that projects romantic love as the be-all and end-all on TV, movies, popular magazines and novels.

When the limerence stage fades away, a deeper commitment – an emotional intimacy – is needed.

While the emotion of falling in love is intense, the emotions of falling out of love can be as intense, but the signs may not be that clear.

When love/lust seems to disappear, people usually start spending less time together. They start having fights, arguments or stop talking; they may feel unappreciated, and resentment can build up and they drift apart. It’s easy to understand how people become disappointed and frustrated with each other, and eventually will stop having romantic feelings and having sex.

One reason this happens is a lack of emotional intimacy – it’s extremely important for couples to make a habit of spending time together and connecting again.

There is no easy fix, but when you start noticing the passion disappearing in your relationship it may give you an opportunity to discuss what you are experiencing with your partner and find ways to turn things around.

If you know the signs, you can use them to rework your relationship. In the worst case scenario, you’ll know why you need to walk away from a relationship that may not go the distance.

This story was found at:

The cancer that was Musharraf’s regime

The cancer that was Musharraf’s regime

Like any illegitimate ruler, Musharraf’s core aims were survival and gaining legitimacy, and his every decision was a manifestation of these vulnerabilities
With the assault of the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf (PTI) and Pakistan Awami Tehreek (PAT) on the capital, doubts have been raised against democracy and the constitutional process once again. In the heat of it, voices are rising in quite a few circles for a military takeover in the county. The rationale they present is the glory of the Musharraf regime. Notwithstanding how the ‘glorious’ regime actually fell, even the record of that regime was abysmal to say the least. It is a fallacy labelling Musharraf’s regime a regime of stability, progress and prosperity. On the political front, the Musharraf’s regime’s failures outshine those of Ziaul Haq’s. It was the regime that pushed Balochistan to the brink of secession. An army operation there, confrontation with the pro-state Bugtis and alienation of all mainstream political forces in the province pushed the province away from the Pakistani federation. Had it not been for the political initiatives of Asif Ali Zardari and then Nawaz Sharif to engage the political leadership of the province, fully supported by the armed forces, we may have seen secession by now.
If Balochistan was not enough, his policy in the war on terror was enough to cripple the state. That he played a vicious double game in the war on terror with both internal and external stakeholders is no secret now. Those who portray him as the ultimate saviour of Pakistan against the Taliban and al Qaeda militants must remember that it was under his watch that the state of Pakistan ceded control of seven tribal areas and Swat to the terrorists. It is only in regimes after him, through the bravery and courage of our armed forces, that the state of Pakistan has gradually regained control of the ground lost there. His policy of harbouring the Taliban led to alienation of the people in the tribal areas and made them targets for drone strikes in later years. It was under him that Karachi became a hub for the Taliban and al Qaeda, and though Sharif’s provincial government cannot be absolved of its fair share of responsibility, the network of Punjabi Taliban expanded and consolidated in Punjab during Musharraf’s regime. If this was not enough, his double game policy compromised the Pakistan army the most. Do we forget that in the twilight of the Musharraf regime, because of his hypocritical double game to stay in power, he had pushed things to a level where confusion led people to refuse leading and attending the funeral prayers of soldiers martyred in the war on terror? If this is your de Gaulle, I salute your wisdom.
The ultimate defence of Musharraf is his economic performance. However, as far as the economic growth rate goes, it was only in 2003-2004 and 2004-2005 that the growth rate was higher than six percent, otherwise it was largely under six percent, which is hardly glorious. More importantly, the abundance of capital that we saw during the Musharraf regime had nothing to do with the policies of the regime but was a result of a global zero-interest rate environment. Unfortunately for Pakistan, thanks to the ineptness of Musharraf’s regime, this abundance of capital did not result in an enhanced industrialisation and production base. Industrial production as a percentage of GDP declined rapidly under the regime. Ironically, this global zero-interest rate regime was used effectively by our neighbours India and China to enhance the production base of their respective economies. Just when India and China were busy using abundant capital to enhance productivity, the Musharraf regime was using the abundance of capital to inflate the real estate and stock market, leading to an asset price bubble. Those who admire Musharraf’s economic marvels are the beneficiaries of this urban centric asset-inflation driven economic bubble that went bust during the last years of his regime.
Musharraf’s regime was a cancer from which Pakistani society, our brave armed forces and state institutions will take years to recover. Like any illegitimate ruler, Musharraf’s core aims were survival and gaining legitimacy, and his every decision was a manifestation of these vulnerabilities. He allowed the real estate and stock market bubble to appease the urban elite of Pakistan. Like his predecessors, Musharraf knew that regimes in Pakistan fall when the cities of Lahore and Karachi rise against them. Thus, they go the extra mile to appease them through artificial prosperity. Ayub did it, Zia did it and so did Musharraf. The problem is these policies are a stopgap arrangement and when the effect fades, everything crumbles. Similarly, to gain international legitimacy, Musharraf had to keep the threat of the Taliban alive while showing action against it at the same time, leading to a destructive double game. As they say, you can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all the time; eventually the game had to fail.
There is a lesson to be learnt by us as a nation from the Musharraf saga. For one, those who are political players must acknowledge and respect the army’s role and strategic concerns in decision making, and should not push matters to a point where the army is sucked into the political space. For their part, the armed forces must realise that it is not in their interest to come to the fore as it only undermines their stature and power. It is in everyone’s interest that the system continues. For this, everyone needs to play by the rules of the game. It may sound a little Machiavellian but the system needs to be built so that it has institutional mechanisms to eject corrupt or illegitimate players. Another piece of adventurism like Musharraf’s will destroy it for all. In these vulnerable times, let us stay composed and say a prayer for Pakistan and for us all.

The author can be reached on twitter at @aalimalik

My Voice: Anti-Semitism tag used as Israeli ploy

My Voice: Anti-Semitism tag used as Israeli ploy

Alison Weir

Alison Weir
Written by
Alison S. Weir


Alison Weir of Sacramento, Calif., is president of the Council for the National Interest and executive director of If Americans Knew. My Voice columns should be 500 to 700 words. Submissions should include a portrait-type photograph of the author. Authors also should include their full name, age, occupation and relevant organizational memberships. Send columns to Argus Leader, Box 5034, Sioux Falls, SD 57117-5034, fax them to 605-331-2294 or email them to

In his recent My voice column, “The longest hatred: Alison Weir’s speaking tour,” Steve Hunegs tries to use defamatory claims that I am “anti-Semitic” to divert attention from the facts I provide on Israel-Palestine.

This is an old and pervasive tactic. Former Israeli minister Shulamit Aloni explained in a television interview, “It’s a trick. We always use it. When from Europe someone is criticizing Israel, we bring up The Holocaust. When in this country people are criticizing Israel, then they are ‘anti-Semitic.’ And the organization is strong and has a lot of money.”

Hunegs’ organization, the Jewish Community Relations Council for Minnesota and the Dakotas, fits both: it frequently cries the “anti-Semitism” wolf, and it has an annual budget of almost $1 million with which to push its agenda.

The main purpose of such organizations is single minded — to keep American tax money flowing to Israel — $8.5 million per day, plus other, hidden gifts that Israel’s lobby has contrived to milk from the U.S. This is far more than we give any other country, even though Israel is one of the world’s smallest nations. And it is disbursed in a lump sum at the very beginning of the fiscal year.

Because our government is operating at a deficit, this means our government borrows the money then pays interest on it long after it has gone to Israel. The money is deposited into an Israeli interest-bearing account, so Israel actually makes profit from our borrowing. For specifics, see the official Congressional Research Service report, “U.S. Foreign Aid to Israel April 11, 2013.”

And to make the financial cost to U.S. taxpayers even worse, a massive amount of foreign aid also is given to Egypt in an arrangement put together in 1979 as nothing more than a bribe to prevent Egypt from opposing Israel’s ruthless expulsion of Christians and Muslims and theft of billions of dollars worth of their property.

However, Hunegs wishes none of this known to hard-pressed American taxpayers, so he tries instead to focus attention on claims that critics of our Israeli policy are bigots. I’m sorry to destroy Hunegs’ thesis, but I have a life history of opposing all bigotry, including that against Jewish Americans.

In his vitriolic rant, Hunegs attempts to buttress this despicable claim by misrepresenting a few of my articles — out of my multitude of pieces I’ve written on Israel-Palestine.

He ignores my articles describing the tragic situation for Palestinians resulting from Israeli brutality against them, and the fact that they have been killed in far greater numbers than Israelis, and almost always were killed first in each round of violence.

He ignores my facts about Israel’s attack on a U.S. Navy ship, the USS Liberty, that killed 34 Americans and injured 174, and of how the Israel lobby has worked ever since to cover this up, even calling the American sailors who survived the Israeli assault “anti-Semitic.” One of the survivors, Stan White, is a native of Burbank, S.D.

Hunegs and other Israel apologists never mention that employees of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, one of the Israel lobby’s main organizations, were indicted for conspiring to gather and disclose classified national security information to Israel, and that Israel repeatedly has stolen American technology and secrets, at times passing them on to enemies of the U.S.

The Israel lobby even works to support one of the most destructive spies against the U.S. in our entire history, Jonathan Pollard, whom Israel paid to steal highly secret material from the Pentagon.

Worse yet, the Israel lobby continues to beat the drum for more and more U.S. intervention in the Middle East, now against Syria and Iran, even while the large majority of Americans oppose these wars, and while our country suffers from the dreadfully costly — in both lives and money — invasion of Iraq that Israel partisans promoted.

Instead of discussing my thoroughly documented articles on these profoundly significant topics, Hunegs makes false allegations about what I have written and loathsome misrepresentations of my views.

However, Hunegs’ purpose is not to give facts. It is to keep our tax money flowing to Israel. My purpose is to inform Americans of the true situation and to work for U.S. policies that are in the best interests of Americans, that represent our national principles of fairness and justice and that will stop fueling the tragic violence in the Middle East.


Corrupt Saudi Royal Family – Wahhabi Dictators for life

Saudi Owners = Prince or Modern for USA SKIRT WIFE = princess-ameerah-al-tawee

Royal Wedding with husband Prince Al-Waleed bin =

Princess Ameerah Al-Taweel Of Saudi Arabia Steps Out = Wife of Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal

HRH Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal (King Abdullah’s nephew), is also the Vice Chairwoman of the Board of the Alwaleed Bin Talal Foundation. She spoke at a meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative in New York, which invited world leaders to discuss employment, sustainability and women’s issues.
Saudi top Price and his Punjabi wife  (with prince Charles)

Saudi Offical website says about above OFFICIAL MODERN PRINCE of Saudia=


Prince Alwaleed bin Talal insulted at only being No 26 on Forbes rich list

Saudi Arabia businessman, one of the most influential in the Middle East, says he has been undervalued by $9.6bn


“…The Saudi royal family has intervened to block the release of a ‘celebrity’ preacher accused of raping, torturing and killing his five-year-old daughter.
Al-Ghamdi, who regularly appears on Saudi television, admitted using a cane and cables to inflict the injuries after doubting his five-year-old daughter’s virginity and taking her to a doctor, according to the campaign group Women to Drive….”


Driving the Saudis: A Chauffeur’s Tale of the World’s Richest Princesses (plus their servants, nannies, and one royal hairdresser)

by Jayne Amelia Larson (Goodreads Author)
“…Actress, producer, and occasional chauffeur Jayne Amelia Larson offers a funny and insightful memoir about the time she spent as a driver for members of the Saudi royal family visiting Beverly Hills, detailing her invitation inside one of the world’s most closely guarded monarchies.

When the Saudi royal family vacationed in Los Angeles, they hired Jayne Amelia Larson, an actress struggling to make ends meet, to be their personal chauffeur….”

“….the nanny who ran away in the airport the moment she was handed her passport, the stories Larson shares are bizarre, poignant, and illustrative of the profound contradictions and complications that only such massive wealth can create…”

Driving the Saudis: A Chauffeur's Tale of the World's Richest Princesses (plus their servants, nannies, and one royal hairdresser)

Even  has some opposition to oil victim royal saudi family = see comments in link below

“…A ‘gold-digging’ male model dumped by a Saudi Arabian princess after she caught him with two other women attacked her chauffeur in a rage, a court heard yesterday….”
Saudi Arabian princess Sara Al-Amoundi, it has been claimed

In what may prove a particularly incendiary cable, US diplomats describe a world of sex, drugs and rock’n’roll behind the official pieties of Saudi Arabian royalty.

“….More than 150 Saudi men and women, most in their 20s and 30s, were at the party. The patronage of royalty meant the feared religious police kept a distance. Admission was controlled through a strict guest list. “The scene resembled a nightclub anywhere outside the kingdom: plentiful alcohol, young couples dancing, a DJ at the turntables and everyone in costume.”……”….One young Saudi told the diplomat that big parties were a recent trend. Even a few years ago, he said, the only weekend activity was “dating” among small groups who met inside the homes of the rich. Some of the more opulent houses in Jeddah feature basement bars, discos and clubs. One high-society Saudi said: “The increased conservatism of our society over these past years has only moved social interaction to the inside of people’s homes.”


ALL the SAUDI RACKETS come here at Mirza Jamal’s website =

WikiCable: On rampant Saudi royal corruption

Ambassador Wyche Fowler Jr., appointed as ambassador to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia by President William Jefferson Clinton, offers up a devastating portrait of the royally spoiled offspring of King Fahd.The SECRET 30 November 1996 dispatch provides a rare and unsparing look at the rampant corruption and sybaritic lifestyles of the scions of a regime that rose to power on the austere dogmas of Wahhabism.

One notable section out of many:


above USA Cable is below :


Saudi Royal Family business in danger ? read below ::
“….Despite its oil wealth, Saudi Arabia features many of the underlying demographics that have helped spark rebellions in other Arab nations. Almost half the population is under the age of 18 and, unlike in other Gulf states, some of which boast close to full employment, 40% of 20- to 24-year-old Saudis are out of work….”


Born to Rule FOREVER Royal Saudi Family ::


Corrupt Saudis DISASTER Blood suckers of Arabia ::
“…Prince Bandar [biography] – son of Prince Sultan, the Saudi defence minister – bought Glympton on what are alleged to have been his winnings from Britain’s biggest arms deal...”,,2095831,00.html


“….Three huge BAE [BAE’s position] deals with the Saudi royal family kept Britain’s sole warplane manufacturer in profitable existence in the 1960s and 70s. All were corrupt, according to the files.

The Americans warned at the outset:

“Saudi requests for arms were not based on considerations of national security as much as private pressure by those most likely to profit from arms sales[…]
We should both exercise considerable restraint in dealing with this artificial stimulation of Saudi appetites.” [document]

But successive UK governments, desperate for foreign exchange, took no notice.
The deals have always been shrouded in official secrecy. But we have pieced together enough from recently released archives to reveal the truth.

Deal number one, 1967….,,2095814,00.html

“…In the US, the company will plead guilty to offences of false accounting to settle bribery allegations made over the enormous al-Yamamah arms deals with Saudi Arabia stretching back more than 20 years, as well as corruption allegations over arms deals in central Europe….”

Word YAMAMAH means one thing = Saudi ROYAL FAMILY are NOT Muslims. They are robbing their Citizen’s oil wealth since 1960s. And BEATING and UNEDUCATING androbbing future generations of Arabia.


The Scandal of U.S.-Saudi Relations

by Daniel Pipes
National Interest
Winter 2002/03
“…Starting in 1991, the U.S. military required its female personnel based in Saudi Arabia to wear black, head-to-foot abayas. (This makes Saudi Arabia the only country in the world where U.S. military personnel are expected to wear a religiously-mandated garment.) Further, the women had to ride in the back seat of vehicles and be accompanied by a man when off base…”
“….In April 2002, as Crown Prince Abdallah of Saudi Arabia, the country’s effective ruler, was about to travel across Texas to visit President George W. Bush, an advance group talked to the airport manager in Waco (the airport serving the President’s ranch in Crawford) “and told him they did not want any females on the ramp and also said there should not be any females talking to the airplane.”[2] The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) at Waco complied with this request and passed it to three other FAA stations on the crown prince’s route, which also complied. Then, when queried about this matter, both the FAA and the State Department joined the Saudi foreign minister in flat-out denying that there ever was a Saudi request for male-only controllers….”
“…On my first tour of Saudi Arabia, working with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, Americans were ordered to remove all decals and photos of the American flag. . . . With my last employer, providing defensive missiles to the Saudis, officers came through on an inspection and ordered removal of all family photos picturing wives and female children. . . . Customs went through a friend’s wallet, confiscating a photo of his wife in hot pants.[21]…”


“…The court announced that it has delivered Al Saud corruption files to two British newspapers including The Guardian and The Financial Times, AlArabOnline news website reported.

The papers will expose Saudi princes’ role in illegal contracts in the Lebanese capital of Beirut and Kenyan capital of Nairobi.

Sources close to The Guardian wrote in the paper’s website that the files, which make charges on members of the ruling Al Saud family, would have reverberations on Britain’s relationship with the Saudi regime.

The claims against Prince Abdulaziz bin Mishaal bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, son of former defence minister Prince Mishaal bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, raised from the sale of $6.7 million (£4.3 million) in shares.

Court judge Justice Morgan said the dispute had thrown up a “nuclear mushroom cloud” of litigation.

The Saudi prince and his father have argued that the claims should not be made public….”



Willie Morris [biography], the British ambassador from 1968 to 1972, could not stand the Saudis. They were “less lovable than some other people”, he said.

The border guards were “rude”. Despite their stern official religion, “one can find a minister incoherently drunk in his office before noon”. Their oil billions led to a “corruption of character which enables the Saudis to regard the rest of the world as existing for their convenience”, he wrote in his valedictory dispatch. [document]

He went on:

“The Saud family [profile] regard Saudi Arabia as a family business […] The sheer effrontery is breathtaking of a prince who will keep on talking about rights and wrongs, when you know (and he probably knows you know) that his cut may be 20% of the contract price.” [document]

The world of arms sales in Saudi Arabia was, he said, “crooked”:

“The question of corruption is obviously crucial … the ‘system’ is at best an infernal nuisance, and it is potentially explosive – a time bomb under the regime […]

It is a jungle inhabited by beasts of prey in which one must move with caution and uncertainty. The magnates are (justifiably) suspicious of one another and their agents.” [document]

Prince Sultan [biography], he recorded, “has, of course, a corrupt interest in all contracts”. [document]

Nonetheless, Britain colluded with this medieval regime. More than a decade from the late 1960s, the archives reveal, government arms salesmen authorised bribes that totalled more than £100m – at least £500m in today’s money. Much was paid out by one company: BAE [BAE’s position].,,2095803,00.html


“…Only Germany and Australia received an A-grade, indicating a very low risk of corruption. The U.S., with the world’s largest defense budget, and the U.K., western Europe’s biggest spender, joined Austria, South Korea, Sweden and Taiwan in receiving B-grades, denoting low corruption risk….”


Go without sex, cheat or leave. Regardless the man is either left unhappy, broke or both.

Desire discrepancy

Date    January 29, 2013 – 3:56PM

Matty Silver

How to wake up a sex life that has gone to sleep ... Mismatched libidos.How to wake up a sex life that has gone to sleep … Mismatched libidos. Photo: Sylvia Tuz

My blog, ‘Mismatched Libidos‘, published at the end of last year, received such an enormous response, I have decided to write a follow-up. The subject set off some interesting discussions.

Some of the comments included:

I have given up pursuing sex as I am sick of rejection by the woman I love and lust after.

“As someone that is in a sexless relationship I can tell you the communication part is very hard. People take discussions on this subject very personal [sic] and both people rarely consider the impact of the situation on the other”.

“I was going to send this article to my wife but know it would inspire resentment, which revolves around the ‘pressure’ I place upon her. We are a classic example of the limerence issue, unable to discuss it because we end up fighting. I have given up pursuing sex as I am sick of rejection by the woman I love and lust after”.

“I would like a follow up article that will give couples some methods to address mismatched libidos. I need more guidance provided then just to be told ‘consult a sex therapist’. I am not asking for an article to replace a sex therapist but would like to receive more information and education of ways that might be explored”.

There were also comments from some very disillusioned men, who feel trapped and cheated. They feel they can’t leave the relationship as they have children and do not want to lose them, so they hang in there unhappily.

“Marriage is a social construct that only caters for the needs and wants of women. Sex is used as a tool to achieve the required result. Once married a man has few choices. Go without sex, cheat or leave. Regardless the man is either left unhappy, broke or both”.

“Women really seem to be the only winners in a marriage, especially when they deny sex to their husbands.”

“I look forward to when my kids are a bit older so I can leave and live my life in dignity”.

But, it was not just the men who were hurting. Some other comments by women included:

“I have been married four years and we are both in our early thirties so you would think that we would have a great sex life but unfortunately that is not the case. My husband has an almost total lack of sex drive, I have spoken to him which seems to cause even more stress on his already stressful job. I have tried to be understanding and supportive, suggested he see a doctor about his health or a sex therapist but he is not interested. We both would like kids but it takes two to tango”.

“Libido is just an excuse. Many things get in the way of sex but people in relationship need to make an effort. Sometimes I don’t particular[ly] feel like it but I know it is important in a loving relationship so I make an effort and when I start I usually really enjoy it”.

“I spent nearly ten years of my life with little to no libido, but days after quitting hormonal birth control, I was like a horny teenager again”.

One of the most common sexual problems in relationships, there have been several books and articles written about ‘desire discrepancy’. Dr Rosie King’s Good Loving Great Sex is a book that is still very relevant and a must-read for couples who wish to have and maintain a good sexual relationship.

Dr King believes that many couples experience disputes and ongoing unhappiness because of unresolved issues in their sex lives. The majority of these couples are experiencing mismatched libidos and need practical information and common-sense strategies. When a couple acquires the skills and are willing to work together, a solution can be found.

To stop the pursuer-distancer cycle, it is important that you develop empathy for your partner’s situation. Whether you are the pursuer or the distancer, it is important to stop blaming each other; both of you are missing out on a good sex life. Goodwill between partners is critical. When you forgive each other for past hurts and misunderstandings, you can start to improve your situation, but you have to change your attitudes and behaviours and work together to re-establish intimacy.

The pursuer should make the effort to back off and try to improve the relationship by being understanding and caring. This, in turn, helps to re-establish better emotional connections and rebuild trust and closeness.

The distancer should try to be more physically loving and affectionate. Show your partner that you are willing to make changes, which may encourage him or her to do the same. It is important to learn how to negotiate sex in a way that shows your partner that you care about his or her sexual needs.

It is not possible to give a one-size-fits-all answer to the comments. Every couple has different issues, but if there is still love, respect and especially goodwill in a relationship, it is worthwhile giving it another chance. Too often, clients come to see me when it is already too late to heal the hurt and disappointments that have accumulated over so many years. The best likelihood of repairing a relationship is early intervention.

In Bettina Arndt’s The Bedroom Diaries, she quoted American sex therapist Michele Weiner Davis, who suggested women “just do it!” Desire is a decision, she said, you can’t wait for it to come, you have to make it happen.

Weiner Davis said there is no point worrying about the reasons you are not interested in sex. She believes that knowing won’t boost your desire, but doing something about it will. Indeed, she says, you may end up enjoying it in the end.

Many women feel anger at Arndt  – and Weiner Davis – for seemingly taking sides with men. However, when a couple decides to marry or commit to a life together, there is a general understanding that they will work, entertain, cook, clean the house, look after the kids and have sex. All these activities need planning and take time. Maybe it is time to change our thinking about what is more important, as sex often seems to be last of the priorities.

You won’t leave your partner without food or stop cleaning the house, why is it so difficult to schedule in some time for sex?

Hug Ban in WA

Bunbury school’s hugging ban attracts national attention

  • Sophie Ablett, Estella Rome and Amber Ablett, who received detention for hugging a classmate.Sophie Ablett, Estella Rome and Amber Ablett, who received detention for hugging a classmate.

A BUNBURY school has gained national attention after a Year 6 student was given detention for hugging her friend goodbye.

Adam Road Primary School student Amber Ablett received the punishment because the school had a no-hugging policy in place.

Mother Heidi Rome said she was “dumbfounded” by the decision to reprimand her daughter’s actions which saw her receive a recess detention.

Mrs Rome wrote to the Bunbury Mail to express her concern.

“It’s not so much the detention – it’s the fact there is this rule and the psychological implications it could have,” she said.

“I don’t usually bring forward complaints like this and I do like the school.

“It’s not about slandering their name – it’s about this silly rule.”

The story has gained national attention – appearing on popular breakfast show Sunrise – and sparked a conversation on the rule.

Adam Road Primary School acting principal Gemma Preston said the rule was enforced following injuries after “over-enthusiastic” hugs.

“This behaviour was getting out of control with students hugging each other several times a day, and this was becoming disruptive to classes,” she said.

“The rule was reinforced with our Year 6 and 7 students again last week during a general talk about being role models for the younger students.

“In this particular incident, the students involved were hugging on school grounds just two hours after this talk and it was important to follow it through as a discipline issue.”

Mrs Rome said she had no idea about the rule and believed the school should have taken other avenues to educate the students on appropriate behaviour.

“I’ve spoken to teachers at other schools where there was boyfriend/girlfriend hugging or excessive hugging which they dealt with by lecturing in the classroom and targeting the individuals,” she said.

“To put a blanket rule over hugging like this is too far.

“Banning all kids from a natural development thing like a hug is ridiculous.

“Like people have said, target the bullying and not nice, caring behaviour like this.”

The Department of Education confirmed the decision on hugging rules were up to individual schools to make.

Mrs Rome urged other parents to write to the Adam Road Primary School board in the hope the rule would be overturned.

Cheetahs attack woman at safari park

Cheetahs attack woman at safari park

May 6, 2012
Violet plays with the 'tame' cheetah at the private Kragga Kamma game reserve near Port Elizabeth.
Violet plays with the ‘tame’ cheetah at the Kragga Kamma game reserve near Port Elizabeth. Photo: AP

The photos taken by a tourist from Scotland show his wife on the ground, hair flying, blood on her neck, with two cheetahs nearby.

The Port Elizabeth Herald reported that Violet D’Mello of Aberdeen was attacked by cheetahs on April 28 while in a petting pen with the animals at the Kragga Kamma game reserve near Port Elizabeth in southeastern South Africa.

It says she was attacked while trying to protect young children from another group that was in the enclosure at the same time.

The cheetahs tear at Violet's hair. The cheetahs tear at Violet’s hair. Photo: AP

Her husband took photos of the attack, which were published by the local newspaper and others.


One of the photos taken by Archie D’Mello shows his wife Violet smiling and posing with a cheetah raised by humans in the enclosure, before, as she told the Herald, “it became serious very quickly”.

One of two cheetahs in the enclosure first grabbed a young girl, leaving her with scratches and cuts that needed stitches, the paper reported.

Violet has blood on her neck as the cheetahs circle after the first attack.Violet has blood on her face as the cheetahs circle after the first attack. Photo: AP

Violet tried to calm the child and her brother, and ended up also being attacked.

She told the BBC she had numerous bite and puncture marks, and that her scalp was “sliced open”.

The cheetahs “weren’t being vicious. You could tell they were just excited”, Violet D’Mello told the Herald.

The Herald said park staff and other visitors pulled the cats off.

The D’Mellos continued their holiday in South Africa.



State emblem under threat from national park wildflower poachers

Painting waratahs

Natasha Funke, ranger at Ku-Ring-Gai chase National Park is painting the stems of Waratahs with blue paint to make them a deterrent to people wishing to pick and sell them.

IT IS NOT a re-enactment of a scene from Alice in Wonderland. The inspiration behind marking waratahs with paint in some of Sydney’s national parks is far from creative; it’s to stop people pinching them.

Volunteers and park rangers rummage through the Ku-ring-gai Chase bushland during spring armed with paintbrushes, to mark the base of waratah blooms with blue acrylic paint.

A National Park s and Wildlife Service ranger, Natasha Funke, said painting the wildflower aimed to stymie poachers from harvesting the flora for commercial sale. The stems can attract up to $20 each.

The spectacular wildflower, which is the state floral emblem, is protected in NSW as a species of high conservation value and pinching them threatens the survival of some populations.

Ms Funke says if waratahs are torn off, they will not flower through the next season. They take five years to flower from seedlings. The species has already disappeared from some suburbs.

“You’re preventing the seeds returning to the bushland, you’re preventing the birds and the animals taking the nectar from them, and you’re preventing people in the park from actually getting to see them.”

Senior field officer Judy Morris said the use of blue paint was the most obvious and undesirable colour. “It’s so [passers-by] can see that [the flower] is not going to look attractive in a vase any more, and they’re less likely to steal it if they know people are looking after it,” she said.

Ms Morris has been painting waratahs for more than 10 years and says the striking red flower, which is in season, is a target for people who want to “pop them in their vase at home”.

“Because they’re gorgeous,” she said. “And they’re not common any more [and] there are not many flowers you can buy that are that size to put in your house.”

They are particularly vulnerable when near roads or suburbia. The flower’s botanical name, telopea, means ”seen from afar”. And the specific name, speciosissima, means beautiful or handsome. “So you have a most beautiful flower seen from afar that people want to take and put in their vase,” Ms Morris said.

Ms Funke is confident the painting method works.

“We have noticed that once they’re painted, people don’t want them, particularly for commercial resale,” she said.

When Ms Morris tells people she’s off to paint waratahs, many expect her to carry a sketch book. But she finds the real thing much more exciting.

”It’s addictive,” she said of the bush-regeneration method. ”Before you realise, it’s morning tea time.”

Malaysia’s young ? 313,600 Poms vote for Sydney

Car wash sex scandal

September 12, 2012 – 10:00AM

Malaysian police close a car wash that was offering free sex to frequent customers.

Malaysian car wash has been shut down after offering free sex for customer loyalty.Malaysian car wash has been shut down after offering free sex for customer loyalty.

Malaysian police have shut down a car wash that was offering regular customers free sex after every ninth car wash.

Malaysian newspaper The Malay Mail reports the car wash in the Kuala Lumpur suburb of Sunway Mentari had been open for three months and had formed a partnership with a local massage parlour, enabling customers to redeem free sex from the brothel as part of a customer loyalty scheme.

The Mail reports that police stormed the parlour and found several stamped loyalty cards that had been used by customers to cash-in on the car wash deal.

Malaysian officer Emmi Shah Fadhil told The Malay Mail that the bust was unexpected.

“It was supposed to be just another routine operation,” Emmi Shah told the paper. The police squad that raided the massage parlour were told of the deal during the raid, and they found five customers taking advantage of the offer.

“To get the extra ‘offer’, customers must send their cars for washing nine times within a certain period,” Emmi Shah says. “The tenth car wash will entitle them to free sex.”

The parlour would usually charge between 130 and 180 Malaysian Ringgit ($40-$55) – cheaper than the $65 price for a full-service car wash.

Prostitution is illegal in Malaysia. As a result of the raid, nine Vietnamese women aged between 18 and 28 were arrested.


Poms vote for Sydney

September 12, 2012 – 1:57PM
Audi has the ambitious plan of hanging four cars off the Sydney Harbour Bridge as part of a global advertising campaign.Sydney’s famous Harbour Bridge.

British tourists have voted Sydney as their favorite city, ahead of popular holiday spots New York and Paris.

NSW Tourism Minister George Souris said Sydney was voted the world’s favourite overseas city in the 15th annual Conde Nast Traveller, UK Readers Choice Awards held in London.

“Winning this latest award demonstrates Sydney’s continuing appeal to visitors across the UK,” Mr Souris said today in a statement.

Britain is one of NSW’s largest international tourism markets, worth more than $557 million to the state economy, he said.

NSW annually receives 313,600 UK visitors, the third largest group behind Chinese and New Zealand tourists.

Read more:




I do not welcome TALIBAN in Kabul or Islamabad. Lal Mosque Disaster.

Self righteous “religious gangs” from Libya to Australia :

Guns seized in terror raids

September 13, 2012 – 1:26AM

Farah Farouque, Dan Oakes and Vince

The al Furqan centre and book shop in Springvale.The al Furqan centre and book shop in Springvale.

POLICE yesterday raided up to a dozen properties in Melbourne, seizing guns and arresting one man over alleged links to home-grown Islamist terrorism.

The 23-year-old man from the outer-eastern suburb of Officer was expected to be charged last night with collecting or making documents ”likely to facilitate terrorist acts”.

State and federal police had seized items including a computer memory stick containing ”violent extremist materials”, imitation firearms and ”a number” of registered guns, police said in a statement.

The operation, revealed exclusively last night by, was targeted at individuals connected with the Al-Furqan centre in Springvale.


The group soon posted in Bosnian on its Facebook page. ”The raid took everyone by surprise, someone calling himself Sehzad Goran wrote. ”I can confirm that local and federal police raided [name withheld] house and prayer place. Currently ASIO (aka, Gestapo) are still going through the house. Agents include women agents also.”

The centre, which also hosts a bookshop, while not a mosque is associated with fringe Muslim preacher Sheikh Harun, also known as Harun Mehicevic, who is believed to be overseas.

The imam of the nearby Bosnian mosque in Noble Park, Ibrahim Omerdic, said Sheikh Harun had led a group of ”radical followers” away from the Noble Park mosque about 10 years ago.

Mr Omerdic described Sheikh Harun as a very patriotic Bosnian, but said he had left with a small group of followers and went on to form the Al-Furqan Islamic Centre after doctrinal disagreements.

”They radicalised matters regarding women and men. He said Muslims were not allowed to vote,” he said.

Another community source said last night that Sheikh Harun’s ”following is not large but his teachings are very fiery. He’s a pretty marginalised figure in the Muslim community.”

The source said the people targeted for the operation were not believed to have been involved in a fully realised terror plot, but were involved in ”contemplating and getting information” about terrorist activities.

A search warrant for the Al-Furqan centre says police were looking for material relating to 11 people between the ages of 22 and 40, and information connected to 12 addresses. They were in Narre Warren, Springvale South, Narre Warren South, Officer, Craigieburn, Hallam, Ormond, Endeavour Hills and Noble Park. Most of the properties were raided in the operation, which began early yesterday.

The warrant also says police are looking for copies of the infamous al-Qaeda-produced magazine Inspire, which reportedly nominated Sydney as a potential terror target earlier this year. The warrant says the material police are searching for is either connected with terrorist acts or the collecting and making of documents that are ”likely to facilitate terrorist acts”.

Sources said the men targeted were Australian residents of mixed cultural backgrounds. One man whose house was raided condemned the police and intelligence services in a Facebook posting. ”And look at the tactics. They come early in the morning [6am] and break the door of the markaz and about 20-30 come to the door of my neighbour as well. He [the neighbour] is overseas and has no control over what’s happening over here,” he wrote.

It is believed authorities relied in part on information provided by people from Melbourne’s Islamic community. Police briefed the Islamic Council of Victoria during the raids. ”I want to commend police for consulting with community figures,” said president Ramzi Elsayed. ”We support the police in their community safety endeavours and that [the operation was] conducted with cultural and religious sensitivity.”